Clarity

Things are going really well. I have made choices that I feel good about. We will try to show this year. He will go to Terry's for two months, and she will work on riding, spooking, and trail rides/off property work. I will bring him back to Hearts and Horses, hopefully in my own trailer. I will ride everyday, and show the heck out of him. Every show I can, we will be there. We will go to New York, and do Dressage for Kids. We will have a great summer. And if all of these things do not happen, he will be sold. If he isn't capable of doing a trail ride, or going to a show and not throwing me or I do not feel safe enough to get on, it will be time to say goodbye. I will have given it my all, and I will hopefully be a peace with the decision. This is the plan. But whenever I make plans God seems to laugh, and change them dramatically.
Things are getting better. Duncan loves natural horsemanship. We played with a barrel yesterday. He is so trusting of me. Even when he is scared he will kick it and let me roll it right beside him, and he will stand there. His eyes show me he is terrified, so I give him lots of breaks and make sure he gets lots of reward. He likes it when I stroke his head and praise him. He puts his head in my lap, and feels reasured. It's really cute. After I do ground work exercises (small circles while disengaging the hind end and changing directions, backing him up 10 steps, coming forward 9, backing 8 etc., bending and walking him through all of the scary things) he is so good on the lunge. No longer will he tear of scared of something. He is focused on me. And it is so great.
I do feel like I don't know enough about it yet to really do it. I can do the basic exercises, but there are certain things that he gets confused on and doesn't do what I ask. Then I get frustrated and if I let myself get mad at him it goes down hill. So I have to make sure to not let my emotions get involved. I've been a lot better about it, and he surely has changed me as a rider and horse person, but there are still times when we get mad at each other. It makes him not trust me as much.