Normalcy

Today I rode Duncan. This was the first time I've ridden him in a week and a half since it's been so cold out. It was a pretty awesome ride. I just did some light walk and trot, since it was still pretty cold, and he was a little stiff, probably from not being worked. I free lunged him and had him hook on (I would say join up, but my horsemanship trainer from home tells me that's a "yuppie" term). After that I did a little ground work and then got on. He was pretty soft in his mouth, and didn't give me much trouble. Aside from being a little out of shape, I really didn't notice much. I did some walking on a long reign, then picked him up and did some turn on the forehand. I notice that Duncan doesn't have much trouble getting his butt over, but does have a problem staying straight and doing it, he likes to bend. I also worked on a lot of transition and not letting him brace in the transition. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong here... throwing my position away, not using enough leg? Probably a combination of the above. I worked on backing up and going forward and got him pretty soft in that. I saw in the mirrors that he really throws his hind end out way to the right, so then we worked on keeping him straight in the halt. After that I just hopped off because he was being really good and I wanted to reward him for it. A very peaceful ride.

Mediocre people will see you and feel themselves wilting in your shadow. Do not shrink to counsel them.

Mediocre people will see you and feel themselves wilting in your shadow. Do not shrink to counsel them.

Today we had class and it was warm enough to put the heaters on and ride, which was nice. I rode ET, who is always a good citizen. Class was pretty laid back. We did some trot and each cantered once. I was really mad at myself today, which made it challenging to put everything aside and work towards riding my best. I’m glad I had ET, because you can’t just go around the ring not trying, or he will pound on his forehand, and I couldn’t let my bad mood hurt him. I was frustrated because I wanted to ride Nate, and was really looking forward to it, but it was only myself who screwed it up. I know that Zach does not want anyone on him, and I didn’t want to ride him because I didn’t want to upset Zach. But as I tacked ET up, it was not Zach who was unhappy, but me. I do love ET and I feel so fortunate to get to learn from him, but it’s also fun to ride other horses as well. When I am limiting myself for fear of making others unhappy, that is not okay. Other’s inferiorities may limit them, but I will not let them limit me again. Also, it irritates me further when the TA is telling me how to ride. When I watch someone ride who is going to be teaching me, I want to be thinking, “wow, I would love to ride like her,” but it’s actually the opposite. If my horse ever gets to the point that the only way I can get him to stop is by putting a harsh bit in his mouth and running him into a wall, I would seriously be looking at my riding and how I have trained him. Never do I want my horse to question when we go around a corner if he is going to get his face slammed into the wall, or keep going. I have a problem with someone who trains there horse in that way teaching me. I don’t know about you, but I want to do the exact opposite of that.

My ride on ET was mediocre. I find it hard to really get into a groove during class, I prefer club time. That way you really get to ride the horse. Problems I noticed from my ride: he’s not forward, but he’s not impossible to make forward. I need to stop begging him to move, but rather ask once, and then use the whip. He will listen once he figures out what you want, but won’t just give it to you either. It is really hard though to get him to go off my leg when all I’m allowed to do is walk. I can vary speeds in the walk, but that can only take you so far. I don’t feel like it really sets us up for success when I spend most of my time at the walk. There are so many things you can enhance at the walk, but since I’m not allowed to do anything but literally walk, it’s awful. Also, I don’t think he was really warmed up, and certainly not off my leg when we did walk to canter and canter walks. I would have liked more trotting first. I still feel like I’m off balance. I really do think my stirrups can go up a hole. They are so long and I’m reaching to get any stirrup, which causes my heel to go up and me to grab with my knees.

Whips aren't bad, but the people who use them are.

Today I free lunged Duncan. It was a bit scary. Apparently you are supposed to take a blanket off from back to front, but I started at the front straps. My friend was making her horse follow her, until he horse took off and she slashed the whip at him, making him run faster. He soon ran to Duncan, who ran a little, causing his blanket to fall. After that she got her horse as I was taking the blanket off (which was around his legs at this point), and the girl continued to lunge her horse. Surprise, surprise, the horse ran back over to Duncan and the girl CONTINUED to crack the whip, causing both horses to run. Luckily my horse is very well halter broke and did not run on top of me, but instead slammed into the other horse, to avoid killing me. The blanket then was dragging behind him as he jumped around a little. This girl finally stopped waving the whip, and started to yell at me for having my horse in there. I honestly wasn't listening to a word she was saying, as I was tending to my horse. Throughout the entire incident Duncan did not rip out of my hands, nor did he even attempt to run me over. So thankful for him!
But that's not all! This chick the continues to free lunge her horse, after I told her I was going to make sure Duncan wasn't scared of the blanket. And what does her horse do... well runs right over to Duncan AGAIN! And what does this chick do!? Swings her whip! This time I had to jump out of the way because Duncan was trying to get the hell out of dodge. And then the other horse ran off and Duncan stayed with me.

Here are some rules that all people who own a horse should know:

1.) Take your horses blanket off from the back to front.

2.) If you're free lunging a horse, and someone else comes in the arena, too bad, times up. We do this crazy things called sharing our limited space.

3.) Whips are a tool. People need to know how to use them wisely. Slashing it at your horse, who is running towards a horse with a blanket caught on his legs is not wise. It's stupid, actually. It's dangerous, ignorant, and plain rude.

“If your dreams don’t scare you, then they aren’t big enough.”

I guess you could say I’m getting a little into this journaling thing. This is not about a ride in particular, but more of where I want to take my riding in general. Lately I have been looking into summer internships and trying to figure out what school I am going to be at next year. These are all significant decisions, and I’m finding it hard to choose. Each place has their own unique opportunities in which I could grow as a rider. I suppose I should be thankful that God has given me so many amazing places to choose from. However, that does not make the decision any less difficult.

As for my riding career… I have viewed it for so long as “who do I want to be like?”. Which is a difficult question today, where everyone completely admires someone for who they are as a rider and person. But what happens when you don’t want to be a Lendon Gray prodigy, aspire to George Morris, or imitate Ray Hunt with every fiber of our being? What happens when you want to ride in a dressage show one day, and go herd cattle the next? What happens when I just want to be me? The one that God made me to be, not the one the world told me to be.

I look at all of these opportunities and at my future, and I am scared. Partially scared that I won’t get to do everything I want in just one short life, and then a little frightened at the thought of not getting to do any of it. I am excited to store all of this information in my brain about the things that I love, but am also scared that I won’t be able to fit it all in. I am nervous to go out West this summer and learn from horsemen I have never met, but ecstatic to gain a piece of their knowledge. I have this desire to be the absolute best I can be, but a hesitation, because what if I fail? But through all of the ups and downs that everyone faces from time to time in their life, what I am so privileged to do is sit here, and know that my life is not my own. I know that my life already screams of a Perfect Designer, and that who I am is only a product of the One who made me. And it is that One who has a plan for me that far exceeds anything I could even dream of. So if my dreams scare me, let them, because I am lucky enough to have so many opportunities that I am scared out of my mind. I don’t have to be Lendon, Ray, or George, but I can be me. The Jesus loving, dressage riding, cow herding child of the one true God.

ET is Mint

1/25/14

I rode ET again today. It was a good ride, and I’m starting to figure him out a lot more. There were moments when my posting was how it should be and it felt really good. It’s hard to remember: legs back, shoulders open, sit up with your abs, look up, hands together, oh yea, and ride the horse. At the walk he really thinks he can just forget anyone is up there and plod along. Lots of transitions today. I’ve noticed two things that lead me to want a lot of transitions while riding him - the first is that he gives up at the walk, and the second is that the moments we have that are floaty and nice are after he’s had a short break. So for a solution for the giving out at the walk - more walk/trot transitions keeping him collected. Also, hesitating just before the walk, and if he seems like he’s going to lose all of his energy, bring him back to the trot so he’s not just expecting to continue walking. This also helps keep him strong as it gives him a lot of little breaks in between trot sessions. I think I also need to figure out where exactly to put my leg and seat to get that perfect downward, and that is something I struggle with on Duncan as well. Today I also noticed that he can over bend a bit, which I am not sure if that is my fault. Because he is so heavy in the hands when you let him be, I did some counter bending. He does it, but is a bit stiff, so I will try to work more on that as well. Another thing I want to prefect on him is my leg yielding. I want to get the right amount of forward and sideways. Overall a great ride, and certainly getting my brain thinking about dressage again. While riding him I am reminded about why I loved dressage in the first place. I have to say that I love his old soul, and how he takes care of you. I really find comfort in that, which is nice after riding a young horse all the time!

Entertainer

I rode ET today. This was the first time I’ve ridden all week because of the cold. Although with the combination of the heaters in the indoor and the workout he gives you, it could have been summer in there. I was a little nervous to get on, not because he scared me, just because I always have the thoughts of “what if I can’t get them to do this, or what if I completely suck,” but the second I got into the saddle I knew it would be fine. He is the kind of horse that will take care of his rider for sure, but also knows enough stuff to engage the rider and really make them work for it. And that he did.

I started the ride letting him stretch and then quickly picked him up. At first I could feel he was really spread out and not under himself or collected. When I picked up a whip he immediately moved off of my leg better. I worked on some transitions and really getting my position correct and using my aids correctly. After picking him up and using my abs and keeping my elbows at my side, I also used leg and whip to get his hind end moving. There were moments right after that, that he felt like he was dancing and holding himself. And about two seconds later it was gone. But as the ride continued he got better and better at that. I think he is out of shape and it’s a challenge for him to hold it and really pick himself up in that frame for too long. I also noticed that after a walk break he would be a lot better, but then die out again. We also worked on my posting and lengthening my leg and posting not from my heals. I think I tend to want shorter stirrups so that I do feel like I‘m reaching, but that makes me post bigger. Posing should not be huge. I think it’s a balance thing, and it seems to get better when I take my feet out of the stirrups and stretch.

The one thing I did not like about him was his lack of forwardness. I believe that this could be fixed, and that it just makes all of the other work more challenging. Towards the end he did seem to get more forward and that made him a lot looser. I know in the training scale the first step is rhythm, and that rhythm includes forward. Not necessarily faster, but on your aids and responding to the leg. He certainly is talented enough to go along and fake the work, but I don’t want that. I want him to be off my leg, I don’t want to beg him for every step. It’s pretty clear that people do that, as it takes a whole lot of unnecessary work to get him forward.

Other than the forward issue, he was great. I’m excited to keep riding him and get to make improvements on myself that will transfer to Duncan.

They say it's what you make, I say it's up to fate

1/20/14

Some days I ride and I feel like I don’t belong. The saddle feels foreign and nothing I do is right. Sometimes, when I let myself compare myself to others, I wonder why I am trying to fit into a world that I wasn’t made for. They say it's what you make, but I say it's up to fate. It’s fate that makes you the rider and more importantly the horseman you are. It’s a learned skill, but so much of it is natural ability. I don’t have that. I wasn’t born with no fear like some, and I wasn’t born with a seat to ride the crazy stuff. I wasn’t born with a natural way with animals, and I sure wasn’t born with half of the talent I see in others who have mentored me. When I see pictures of the girls out west like Reata Brannaman (Buck’s daughter) I wonder why I even try to get into this crazy world. Why am I going to try to go out West this summer? There is no way I can ever be at those girl’s levels. No matter how hard I try I can never be that. Not only was I not born with it, it’s impossible for me to learn it.

It’s rides like today, when nothing can seem to go the way I want, that I question this. And don’t worry, every single person in that arena with you is there to tell you every single thing you are doing wrong. If you breathe wrong, you’re going to ruin your horse, you know. Every single person watches, compares, and tears you down. I hate this barn. I hate the atmosphere. I don’t know why I am in the horse world. I don’t think I will ever make it anywhere. I’m confused and don’t know what discipline I want to do, or who to take advice from. There are a lot of people who are not who you think they are in this place.

And it is when I feel this way that I look at scripture. And I see verses like Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” And it is then that God shows me that comparison gets me nowhere, but the Gospel takes me far. For the thief of joy is comparison, and when we compare ourselves to others it gets us no where. It makes us feel either inferior, or superior, and neither of which are productive, or Christlike. This is what I learned from my ride today.

Today I rode Duncan. It was right after quadrille, during club time. I typically avoid it, but there were only a few other people so I decided to tough it out. I’m such a trooper. Duncers was good. I didn’t want to do too much since I have worked him a lot this week. The day before was an amazing ride, so I think he was tired today. But then I think of all the horses out West and how they work all day, and I think he can handle my 30 minute ride. He was pretty soft and supple. Still sticky on the left lead. I didn’t ask for it because he just wasn’t there. I did do right lead. I don’t feel as confident in the Countys yet so I’m not very likely to pick up a whip and tap him when his leg is coming off the ground so he picks it up. I worked on doing 10 steps forward, 10 back, 9 forward, 9 back, until we got to 0. By the time I was at 0 I could apply leg and he would go forward, and if I tilted my hip angle he would prepare to go backwards. He was rocking back and forth without even picking up a hoof! Pretty cool when they are responsive like that. I noticed he’s also been getting better at moving his hind legs when I go to ask him like I would get the back to front thing that Buck does. However, if he is straight he still is not as quick with it. Overall a pretty boring ride, but those aren’t always bad. Sunday will be his day off.

The Truth

1/18/14 The Truth

I had a good ride today. But that seems to be beside the point right now. No matter how good my rides are it does not deter the fact that sometimes I dread going to the barn. I dread the drama, the criticism, the constant putting down. Some days I do not want to ride because of the people in the barn. I’m going to be honest, because I rarely share my true feelings. I want to ride Duncan how I have been taught. And I don’t think that is wrong. No matter what anyone at Houghton tells me - at the end of the day I can take my 5 year old horse and have a w/t/c ride. That can be at a show, on a trail ride, or at home. If I give him the reigns he’s more than happy to stretch and go over his back. He has never been so tense that he is foaming uncontrollably when I ride him. He enjoys his job and there is minimal complaining on his end. On the ground I can move him by opening my hand an inch. I have control over where each foot lands and can join up with him in a very short time. (I am in no way implying that Houghton horses can not do this.)

This is even more amazing looking at our background. When Duncan was three and a half I bought him. He did not know what a halter was. It was a long, and hard journey to get where we are. I tried to lunge him… I lunged him till he was about dead everyday. I tried everything. But nothing could get me to trust him, or vise versa. Until I went to Terry McClare. She showed me a new kind of horsemanship. This horsemanship started in the West by a man named Tom Dorrance, originating from the vaquero style of riding. I went to a clinic with Terry and I had not ridden in a few months. In that day we did groundwork and then mounted. I rode Duncan with 17 other horses in the arena and had never felt more comfortable. By my third ride at Terry’s farm I was riding w/t/c down a trail with little fear. This kind of horsemanship works for us. I love it, and so does my horse. I want to continue this with him. I want to learn dressage on a dressage horse. It’s hard to ride how I feel my horse learns best, while other students are constantly asking me, or telling me that I am doing it wrong. I don’t want to hear it. I’m sick of hearing whispering about my riding and I’m sick of partaking in that gossip. I’m tired of people disliking other people because of the way they ride. I’m drained, everyone is drained. This barn exhausts you. I hear people say all the time, “I’m taking a break from barn people, or the barn.” The constant gossip overrides your love and desire to ride. And worst of all in the midst of everyone talking about everyone - your self esteem is wounded. One can only go on for so long before they are broken by it.

And the healing starts by looking in the mirror.

Greener Pastures

Today I rode Duncan, surprise! It was an actual good ride. I can not describe to you the relief I feel finally getting somewhere with Duncan. I came to Houghton in September and a month later I started noticing he was having severe problems picking up the left lead, and his overall health and demeanor were changing. It has taken until the last few weeks that I finally felt as though I had my horse back. Today was a ride that made it all worth it. Zach was working with me on my position. At first I had my stirrups up where I like them, and Z told me I needed to put my legs back. It was pretty near impossible so I took my stirrups out and did it that way. Zach then told me I should probably lengthen my stirrups. He was right, as was Sarah when she did it in class. It’s hard to find my balance with my leg back, but in the moments that it happens it feels really good. I’m excited to keep working toward that. I also worked on transitions. Today was the first day that I have ever felt like I could do a trot to walk transition without him bracing. He was there, round, and accepting the bit the entire transition. Right when he did it I let him halt, gave him the reigns and praised him. I think it is important to just pause for a minute and let them soak it in. I know it seems small, but I have been working at that for a long time! I ended the ride by working on squares to get his hind end engaged, and asked for a canter from a walk, on a square, and got left lead canter! After that I got off to reward him. Two great accomplishments in one ride, it feels great.

A concept I also want to start applying is devoting my rides to God. So often in my mind i separate God and horses, but they are so close together. God made horses, and He gave them to us. He made them powerful enough to pull hundreds of pounds, but gentle enough to respond to a slight tip of the hip. This is a miracle. It was actually the exact opposite - God is so intertwined in our equine partners. I am going to start praying with Duncan before each ride. Asking God to take it and make it for His glory, as well as asking for guidance throughout the ride. I am excited to see the result of this.   

2nd Ride

Today was our first day of class. I tacked Duncan up and did a little ground work just in the aisle. I mainly worked on backing up and bending since there was not a lot of room. When I finally got on Sarah adjusted my stirrups. She said my legs were uneven and made them longer than I was comfortable with. I feel that when they are that long I’m reaching for them and thus am unable to completely control myself. But I also understand the point that I need to not post so big, in order to be easier on Duncan’s back. I have noticed when even Zach is riding him when you post down he puts his back down. I think posting lighter will help that a lot. It is always those little things that I wouldn’t notice on my own that can have the greatest impact. I’m still not convinced my stirrups need to be that long, but I’m skeptical of every change at first, so it’s worth a shot. 

As for the rest of the class it went well. It was a bit slow at first, with everyone trying on new tack and getting used to new horses. I did some trot work and a lot of walking. During the time I was trotting I worked on posting from my seat and really engaging my core to pick him up. I really enjoy the stuff working on my position, seat and leg aids, as well as seeing how that directly affects Duncan. I love that he is still young and how I know every move he makes. That makes it so much easier to make changes and see the direct result. I’m so thankful to have him to ride and consistently work on things, but also have the opportunity to ride a few new horses to fine tune my skills. I know it will be a challenge; I never like going to a new training facility at first, but I think the stuff I do here focuses on different aspects that I have been taught before, and that will greatly benefit both Duncan and myself. 

So that was the sugar coated one... I hated it. I did not like that I was riding Duncan. I don't do the same stuff with Duncan that she is having me do with other horses. I like how I get to work on myself, but dislike the things I am asked to do with Duncan. I just prefer to do things differently. I would love to ride a school horse and be able to work on things, and hopefully that will be an option.

First Journal for my Dressage Class

Yesterday I rode Duncan. I tacked him up in block barn and he was all nervous because he was by himself. He gets really high headed and freaks out when he can’t see his friends. He is more herd bound than he ever used to be. After I tacked up I went down to the indoor to ride. It wasn’t a class or club time, it was just Kelsey and I riding. I did some ground work where I worked on getting him in tune with me. I also noticed that when I do ground work in a rope halter it takes basically no pressure to ask him to back up, but when I have him in the bridle (just on the ground) he is more braced. This is probably my doing, but I try to start with asking him to back up with me on the ground. This helps so that I am not on him to mess up with my seat, and he can see that pressure means to back up.

After the ground work I mounted. I walked him around a few times on a loose rein to get him to warm his back up a little. I try not to do too much with his head down for a long period of time because then he wants to stretch the entire ride. I instead implement it as a reward after a job well done. I picked him up with some contact and asked him to move his hind end over and get his butt moving off of my leg. He is getting soft with that if I have a bend, but need to improve on keeping him straight and having him just go off my leg. After that I did some trot work. I worked on transitions and made sure he was listening and would trot-walk, trot-halt, trot-halt-backup smoothly. It was not as crisp as I would have liked, so I continued doing that. I also noticed that I need to not keep so much pressure with my leg. When I take it away he stops going forward. This is also completely a bad habit of mine, and I have trained him to only go when I beg. This is something I need to consistently remember. After the trot work I asked for a right lead canter. That is getting stronger. After that I tried to collect him and ask for left lead - no luck. I then remembered reading something from Joe Walter a few days ago that said this, “Whenever I’m working with a horse, whether it’s on the ground or in the saddle, I’m always comparing the sides. What’s he like on the right compared to the left? In the past, I thought if he was better on the right than the left, then I needed to really work that bad side. But I’ve found if I work the good side instead and get it even better, pretty soon the bad side becomes the horse’s relief.

The bad side starts to feel good to him.". I also read something from Ray Hunt that said if a horse won’t pick up a left lead he works on the right more. Then the horse is so tired from the right that the left is his relief. I want to try this approach with Duncan. I also realize that it is in part my awful timing that limits him even more in picking up the left lead. However, it has gotten better and I was able to get it at home often.