Hell Town

1/5 right hind lameness. Clean stifle x-rays. It's getting better. Kelly is helping a lot.

Am I ready to go back to school? Am I ready to have my horse on basically no turn out? Am I ready to deal with drama? Am I ready to argue for my horse's care. Am I ready to take a dressage class with a trainer I don't trust just quite yet? Am I ready to go back to that place? No. Will I ever be? No.

Duncan does so well here. He's out in a herd. He's doing awesome. When I go back to Houghton everything is going to suck again. And don't say it won't... because it will. With the whole 4 hours of of turnout Duncan gets, his muscles and his mind are shot. With the tiny indoor that I barley get to ride him in his fitness sucks. With all the opinions constantly being thrown at me my confidence and ability to ride my way is gone. With a bunch of people constantly starting drama and causing chaos the relaxation of the barn is gone. With the constantly differing views between me and my peers and I, I see new levels of frustration. With a chore crew incompetent to feed or follow any directions my horse's diet is... well never going to happen. Am I ready? NO.

I hate this place. I love the people, but I hate this barn. It's not because it's a bad barn, it's because I do things much differently. What they do is not wrong, it's just not what I would want to do. I hate all of the things listed above. About 0% of me wants to go back. But what else can I do? Nothing. Suffer? No, make the best out of an awful situation. Here we go. Back to hell.

Duncan is back at home now... what is kind of like home anyway. He trucked smoothly from New York and settled in quickly when he got back here. So far I've ridden him a few times and he's been pretty good. My friend Kelly got on him yesterday and that was really good. She mainly just worked with him on stuff from the walk and trot, but it's still stuff that needed to be worked out. It's all basically the same thing that I'd been doing with Terry before she left. He has always been really stiff backing up and just doesn't seem to want to do it, and now more so than ever. But I think I'm too quick to pull him and don't think about the timing of it enough. It needs to be more deliberate, thought out steps that are slowly increased, as

Still Truckin'

Duncan is doing better. He has been diagnosed with PSSM, so he can not eat any carbs or sugar. The lyme treatment is almost done so that's a relief! He also has a right hind stifle inflammation problem, so he is on previcox for that. He has to be on 20% fat a day in his grain (which, incase you didn't know, is pretty darn impossible, especially if you want them to stay a decent weight), and can not eat regular grain. He is also supposed to be worked 6 days a week and have as much time outside as he can. Preferable 24 hours, but 12 hours at the least. So we are trying to make that work. Although this is a lot, he is still rideable, and I have answers. I am so thankful for both of those things. I now know how to help him, and what to do, instead of searching endlessly - the whole time people telling me there was nothing wrong with my horse. It can only go up from here.. right?

His training  unfortunately is not as cut and dry and the medical answers. I am confused. I am without a trainer. I don't trust people very easily when it comes to training my horse, and I don't let very many people help me. I ask a lot of questions, not because I don't believe them, but because I want to ensure that they are having me do something that will not harm my horse. I have been so fortunate to have some great trainers and instructors, but am also disappointed when others do not live up to them. I don't have a Robyn and I don't have a Terry. Those are really the only two people I trust. When riding here everyone in the arena tries to tell you how to improve what you're doing. Although it is always helpful to have eyes on the ground, I don't want them. No, I don't trust other college students from who knows where teaching me how to train my horse. They may know what they're talking about, but at each of their riding levels they can't see the bigger picture, they can't feel what I'm feeling - they lack experience. Most of them, there are exceptions.

My problems:
- He doesn't back up softly; it's a battle
-He is too quick in his pace, but not off my leg
-He doesn't do the change direction thingy smoothly...at all
-He's scared of the Christmas decorations
-I am becoming a rider I don't like here
-I pull too much
-I have too much grey area in the reigns

Things to help that:
-Start slowly. Use leg to support him. In order to use leg to support him in transitions or in backing up he first has to respect my leg. Get the flag. Make him more responsive. Once he is more responsive, take it slow. Walk, stop, back up. Repeat. Trot, stop, back up. Repeat. Use my legs to aid him in that, my seat to compel him backwards, life my body, make him straight, DON'T PULL, but have pressure, open my hands wide and counter him where he isn't straight. Go back and reteach and relearn.
-Flag will enhance him moving off my leg. Use my seat better
-I have been trying the change direction thing forever. Use the flag until it gets better? Or start praying?
-GROUND WORK.. McClare style. He isn't going to have time to look at those Christmas decorations
-Watch Buck, talk to God, stop complaining about it and ride how you know. If people see my results they will see how I took a different route to get to the same destination
- Take a step back, slow things down, stop pulling, start asking. Soft Feel.
-Stop being afraid to pick up the reigns. Get in there, get it done, and get out. If I keep having that in between I will never get anywhere.