Colloquium

Today was the beginning of the National Police Horse Colloquium. Asbury had the opportunity to take two of our horses; Victor and Gatsby. This evening I stood in awe of all of the amazing women around me, working so hard to make this goal happen. From the freshman coming out to help, to the upper classmen getting ready, it was truly amazing to see God's goodness unfold each moment.

While everyone was bathing I took a minute to walk around the barns. The sun was setting on the Alltech Arena, and the noise of my team bathing their horses filled the barn. Happiness surrounded us. Unity was coming. The prayers I have prayed for so long suddenly seemed to be given a small answer. It was a time of reflection and thankfulness, as I walked around the barns in the back of one of the most well known riding arenas in the world. How am I, Olivia... a 20 year old college student, getting the opportunity to serve all of these girls in this club? I kept thinking, "Look at where we have come, God!" And what a journey it has been. When I first entered college I was so unsure of my faith, and could never dream that God would present this opportunity to me. I am nervous about what is to come in the next few days, but have a peace that can only come from God.

This week I asked my team to be praying for one way in which God can reveal his glory to us over the next few days. I hope we see him in a way that no matter how big, or how small, can unify us.
We ended the evening in prayer, and will start and end each day the same. In a time of reflection and thanksgiving, to the God that has brought us this far.

Hope?

I remember one afternoon when I was ten years old, I took all of my horse stuff and put it in a box. I brought it down stairs and threw it on the ground in front of my mother. I was done looking at posters and pictures from horse camp everyday, when I wasn't allowed to ride more than one week a year. I looked at a horse and I wanted to know every aspect of that animal. My parents had always insisted that horses were too much money and not worth the time or resources. In my desperate attempt to show just how much my hope had been crushed of ever becoming a horseman, I shoved the box down. I told my mother I was done wanting anything to do with a horse, because I could no longer hope for something that was never going to happen.

Now, about ten years later, I can look back and envy that girl I once was. Ten years later I am still looking for hope, and so much more aware of how horses were never the answer to hope. The difference between that girl all those years ago and who I am today is simply the determination to master a skill. Just riding a horse brought so much fulfillment back then. I wanted to understand a horse more than I desired to breathe. Quite literally, actually. For a few months I contemplated taking my life when I could no longer ride. Today I look at a horse and think how crazy it is that we, as humans, build societies, structures, and parks to train and celebrate this animal. An animal that is infamous because it allows humans to crawl on its back and parade it around. When I look back over the past couple of years I can't seem to find what exactly made me loose my love for horses. It started with a horse named Duncan, I know that much for sure. It was initially my fear and inability to ride Duncan that made me so distraught. That was both the best and worst thing to happen to me. The best part is the kind of horsemanship and lifestyle the next phase of my horse career brought me to. It has also been a constant mix up of a traditional dressage riding style, and a horsemanship approach. In the world around me, there is no mixing them. There is no trainer to go to that I understands both and can teach me. The best I can do is try variety of approaches and mix it all together. However, I am quickly figuring out that it is impossible to learn that way. I have a fear of treating a horse the way I used to. I understand so much more of how the horse works now that I no longer feel comfortable shoving its head down with a device. But I also have little desire to be on a ranch or roping cattle. It was so much simpler when allI had to do was show up to a weekly lesson and learn how to ride a movement. Now I have the responsibility to the horse to do what is best for them. Only now, I have no hope that I can deliver on that.

I no longer love a horse like I did when I was ten. I'm lucky to even enjoy a ride on one these days. It does not matter the movement or ability of the horse, or the speed of the gallop. They are not the fulfillment I look for anymore. I wish so deeply that they were, but my heart is no longer in it. The funny thing is that I have spent the last ten years forcing myself to not let my emotions ride the horse. I've fought back anger when a horse didn't do what I wanted, and I've minimized the fear I feel when one takes off. Now that I no longer love the animal I built my life around, I have the ability to just keep on riding. Not letting my dissatisfaction rule how I treat or train a horse. Instead my fear is now in two things: the realization that I may never feel the same about the horse again, and the horror of what will come if I do leave this lifestyle and regret it every day after.

Thoughts on God teaching though horses

God’s Teaching through Horses

God shaping us like we shape horses.

"You can be a leader without being intimidating. The horse can be your partner without being your slave. I’m trying to keep the best part of the horse in there. I’m not trying to take anything away from him." - Buck Brannaman

You ride a horse so that they can go off your leg in an instant, yet stop at the tilt of your pelvic bone. You want them to bend in a circle and the next stride stay perfectly straight and between your legs. God is similar with us. It’s not that he wanted to rip us of our rights or take away who we are. We are not God’s slaves because we are given free will. God wants to keep the best part, the part that was made in his image, there. He simply wants us to become more and more in tune to Him. He desires for us to go where he leads us. To be on one path - straight and in line with His will, but also be ready to bend around obstacles. The horse does this as well, and the more connected yo are the more the rider is able to lead the horse. The closer we grow to God, the easier it is to walk on the path God is leading us down. 

One day, when riding Doug, he was spooking at everything. From the cat running around in the indoor, to any door moving in the wind. It quickly became clear to me that Doug was spooking when he lost his focus on me. I had to keep Doug constantly moving off my inside leg and bending around my body. It got the the point that I thought it was ridiculous how often I had to remind Doug to stay with me. It was every fourth or fifth stride. If I let him get too far away from me, he would fixate on an object. It all went down hill from there. The second he lost focus on me and gained focus on the object we lost our connection. Doug could not go around the arena comfortable and I was scared too. 

Later, while looking back at the ride I saw similarities to my relationship with God. Too often I loose sight of Him. I lack time in my day to sit down and have any long amount of time with Him. But He always bring me back. I know for me I need to go to God multiple times a day. Sometimes I get sick of it. I just want to live how I want to live. But then life hits you out of no where and slams you on the ground. As Mark Hall, from Casting Crowns writes in one of his song:

 "If your eyes are on the storm

You’ll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You’ll know I always have and I always will.”

When we are focused on the cross we will feel the love of God, but when we focus on the storm we loose sight. 

 Zena, like most mares, is always willing to put up a fight. Zena is insecure, and she does not like to let anyone in. This is especially true when she is in the pasture. Today I was putting Zena out in the field, and like usual she went to take off before I could even get the halter off. Instead of letting her go I tied the halter around her neck. (This is because Zena will take off and throw her butt at you) This instance we worked all around the field until Zena hit a point where she couldn’t go on fighting. She was tired and worn. She went off of my feel and walked patiently beside me. When I let her go she walked behind me still, following me to the gate. The exact opposite direction she wanted to go. I put her through that not so she would have to be upset and confused and feel out of control. I did it so she would know where her feet are, how to use them, and how to trust me. God mirrors this with us. 

Round pen with Frasier 

When a horse is scared all we want to do is pet them. We want to run to their rescue and tell them it's ok. But as any good horseman knows that is not the way to help a troubled horse. A horse needs to move their meet. A horseman will ask them to move their feet around them and ask them to give their hind end. Often times the horse gets in trouble, so to say. They don't want their feet to be directed by us because they feel safer in control of themselves. But we continue to direct their feet and eventually they let us guide them. We often have to pick up on the reign of lead line heavily or keep the pressure on until they learn. But if the training is done correctly a horse will not only learn to listen to the rider but feel safer. They will know how to move their feet and go to the rider instead of bolting. 

I think God does this with people too. How easy would it be for our father to run to us and give us exactly what we want? To hug us and bless us with gifts. But just like a skilled horseman, God knows that comfort is not what will grow us. He has to allow us to hurt and be scared in order to teach us how to get through it.